i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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