I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
