We're facebook friends in real life
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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