today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
