She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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