pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
ttyl tear gas
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Randomize
