he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
