just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It's never too late to be topless.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
