I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
