It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
