If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize