I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
