im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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