Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
