I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
