I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
