Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just googled if crying burns calories
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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