i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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