she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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