I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
