Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just want to make out with him forever
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
