I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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