How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
