Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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