I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Randomize
