Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
