I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
