I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
