please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
