Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Randomize
