dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The chlamydia really affected his face.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
