She is in my trunk
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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