You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
