I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
