just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize