So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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