i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
