my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
