google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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