god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
