i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize