those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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