Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize