Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
