First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
