Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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