walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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