you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
