I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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