He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
