Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
