Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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