i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I don't deserve a penis
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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