He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
