Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
