Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
