No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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