take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
His nipple licking is glorious
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