I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
