I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize