Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
