She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
