I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
