yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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