My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Four minutes until I can fart!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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