please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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