he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
