Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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