I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The beer is more important than you right now.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
