The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
